Saturday, 4 February 2012

The Thunder Mountain Cup (Bobsleigh)

view detailsWell, what an event!    

I can report from a very icy Thunder Mountain that the highly-anticipated bobsleigh event turned out to be not only very exciting and spectacular, but also highly surprising.

I am afraid to say the Robin Hood All Stars failed to turn up due to being stuck in heavy snow in Belgium.  Furthermore, the event got off to a late start due to Puck’s Merry Mischief Makers sabotaging the starting system. This was foul play - for which they got their first warning.

First to start were the Dwarven Ox-cart Stunt Display Team, who looked very impressive, but did not make it off the start when the one of the wheels fell off their cart. They, however, bravely (or foolishly) chose to ignore the clear setback, flying off the track at the first bend. Fortunately, they landed safely in a snow drift and added a theatrical flourish which was much appreciated by the crowd.  The stewards are now looking into the suitability of their ‘sleigh’, and questions have been raised about why they were allowed to use it in the first place.

Next up were the Black Forest Wood Elves, who had spoken confidently about their skills, but were clearly out of their element, notching up slow times in both rounds.  They also received a warning for taking pot shots at small woodland creatures as they whizzed around the track.  Their bows will be returned to them at the time of their departure to the Black Forest.

There had been much expectation about the terrifying Frost Giants, and there had been talk of them walking away with the event.  If they had demanded the trophy, I doubt anyone would have stopped them taking it.  However, despite all the predictions, they never even made it to the first bend after their tremendous bulk caused them to become wedged in the track.  It took more than an hour to free them, and it was very sad to see the great giant, Fingur, break down and blubber like a child. They were last seen stomping into the forest, tearful and embarrassed.

And so on to our boys: The delay caused by Wimpl the Unwilling, once again refusing to come out of the ale tent, played to The Thunder Mountain Gnomes advantage. It was during the delay that someone noticed the small explosive device cunningly placed under their bob, causing a great fracas at the starting gate. Luckily, a passing dwarf defused the device and expert driver-gnome, Bundl Fugglebum, guided the team to a fast first heat. Their insane pace was probably helped by truculent brake-gnome, Wimpl, choosing not to slow the bob at any point. 

Puck's Merry Mischief Makers also posted a quick time in the first heat in their amazing Hobgoblin Special.  There had been questions over the legality of the sleigh, but after receiving a whiff of magic dust from the rear, the course master allowed it to continue.  There were also some issues about the inclusion of a suspected wood-demon in the team, but these fears were soon allayed.

Which brings me to the exciting finale:  I can report that the gnomes pulled off a miraculous final heat, despite a sudden and mysterious fall of smog caused by swamp gas. Somehow Bundl fended off the diabolical enticements of Will-o’-the – wisp, whose unexpected and mesmerising appearance on the track led to a stewards’ enquiry and the removal of Puck’s mischief makers from the event.

So, it is with great pride that I can post the following results:

1st place  -   The Thunder Mountain Gnomes

2nd place – Black Forest Wood Elves

3rd place    - The Dwarven Ox-cart Stunt Display Team (out on first bend)

I am already looking forward to next year’s event.

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