Tuesday, 25 December 2012

Gnome Archery - Christmas 2012 - Elf Mischief #gnomes

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After last year's increbible victory, with our gnomes' brave fightback against the highly skilled Robin Hood All Stars, I am afraid to report that there is a less than merry atmosphere in our camp. And it is surely the doing of the Black Elves.

You may recall that I mentioned some suspicious things happened to the gnome-mobile even before the team set off for the Black Forest.  Well, a litany of strange things continued to happen to the gnomes en-route, including Findl Nettlecrusher becoming bewitched by a wood siren and Wimpl the Unwilling getting trapped in giant web when taking a 'toilet break' on the edge of the forest. Wimpl was at first reluctant to break free - until he saw a pair of eyes the size of footballs peering at him from a cranny nearby. Wimpl has never moved so fast in his whole life!

Thus, it was a spooked and shaken team, with a lovelorn Findl in its ranks, that began the archery contest early this morning.  Largely due to Bundl Fugglebum's prowess with the bow, the gnomes scraped through the early rounds, narrowly avoiding defeat to some goblin mercenaries. However, things started to take a turn for the worse when Findl took a slug of Thunder Ale too many, and surely befuddled by Cupid's own deadly arrow, declared his undying love for 'Tarwen of the Trees' and collapsed drunkenly into the Fairie Queen's Christmas hamper.  Despite this huge setback, the gnomes nearly succeeded in beating the Black Elf Elite, but were undone by suddenly rubberised arrows and the appearance of a giant spider as Wimpl was lining up his final shot. 

Needless to say, the Black Elves went on to win the tournament. Wimpl is having trauma counselling and Findl has vanished into the very mysterious and murky forest. 

I am going to make a formal complaint to the authorities about the devious and despicable happenings, and I am going to put some wasps in the ears of the Black Elf elders.

I am about to head to the village for some strong mead, and I would like to bid you a Merry Christmas.


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