You Would Say That, Wouldn't You?

I am very pleased to say that the marvellous Mr Paul D Brazill has kindly put this rather super interview with Mike Evers on his popular blog site.  Mike talks about The Chaosifier, an exciting new project and various other things.  There is even talk of making a musical. My goodness! 

http://pdbrazill.blogspot.com/2012/01/short-sharp-interview-mike-evers.html




     



Paul D Brazill (Honorary Gnome Master)

Burden of Blood - a splendid read!

This weekend Princess Ruby has barely left her chamber. She tells me that she is hooked on reading a paranormal fantasy called Burden of Blood by a young lady called Wenona Hulsey.  Paranormal Fantasy - what on earth could that be? All I know is that my darling wife loves reading it.

Fantastical Creatures Bobsleigh Challenge

Grundl Wibblesnapper tells me that the gnomes are making excellent progress in their bobsleigh training. They even managed to stay on the track once this morning, which is surely encouraging.  The infirmary is gradually filling up with the plucky little creatures - but there's always plenty more to take their places.


I can also officially announce that other teams will be entering our newly inaugurated event - The Thunder Mountain Cup (Bobsleigh). Subject to any last minute changes, the teams will be:

• Black Forest Wood Elves
• Fingur's Frost Giants (current favourites)
• The Dwarven Ox-cart Stunt Display Team
• Puck's Merry Mischief Makers
• The Robin Hood All Stars (surely out of their comfort zone)
• The Thunder Mountain Gnomes       

The event is scheduled for next weekend. Hold on to your hats!!

My favourite gadgets

Yesterday I found my venerable old butler using a portable phone - which was something of a surprise, because he is barely able to switch on a light - such is his grasp of technology.  It took him an hour to send something called a 'text message' to Mrs Svobodova, and even then I am not sure she received it.  This event got me thinking about my favourite inventions and devices and I have decided to compile a short list:

• The Internet - very useful for communicating with the whole world.  You may be surprised that the gnomes have been using something similar for centuries called 'GnomeWeb' - invented by Thimbl Fiddlefingers in the Middle Ages.

• The MK IV Lightning Maker - this really is the last word in creating true, bright, fizzing bolts. Superb! 

• Dr Faustus' Gnome Tazer - for when those little creatures need encouragement. Also has a safety catch, thank goodness.

• The Orb of Omnivision - probably my favourite. I cannot quite recall where I got it from, but it was from somewhere in the east. It is very useful for seeing what someone is doing anywhere at anytime! Unfortunately, Princess Ruby has banned me from using it and locked it away.  

Well, that's my list.I don't think it is too exhaustive. I will let you know if I can think of anything else.

Gnomish Winter Sports - the votes are in!

          
After much deliberation, the gnomes have chosen the two winter sports they would like to try out this winter. The winners are:

• gnome bobsleigh
• ale curling (whatever that is) 

Bundl Fugglebum, still glowing from his superb Christmas archery performance, is turning out to be something of an all-round sportsgnome, and has volunteered to captain one of the bobsleighs.  Wimpl the Unwilling turned down the opportunity to captain the other, so the gnomes are seeking another bob captain.  We will ask around to see if anyone outside the citadel would like to participate in the event. Perhaps it will not just be the gnomes involved.

I am very curious to see what this 'ale curling' will turn out to be. Hmm...?

Mini Heatwave

I had some interesting results with my latest weather experiment.  At the citadel the staff enjoyed basking in the sun for an hour or two and I was extremely surprised to see some 'gnomebathing' - which is a very strange sight indeed.

In the village the sudden rise in temperature had the unfortunate effect of ruining the snowman building contest, and poor Fireman Pospisil's ice skating display on the pond ended with a minor calamity. Fortunately he was revived with a spot of brandy.

Icy Weather

 

I know I am not alone in thinking this, but this cursed cold weather does nothing for me at all. I did not mind it so much when I was younger, however it seems to be affecting me more this last couple of centuries. It is giving me aches and pains in places I never knew I had - even my nose!

I think I must concoct a weather experiment to warm up the citadel. Hmm...perhaps the village as well. The ducks are looking forlorn slipping on the surface of the pond.
       

     

Gnomish Winter Sports

Owing to the great success of gnome archery and the epic victory in the Legendary Creatures' Christmas Fayre, Grundle Wibblesnapper has suggested letting gnomes try out winter sports.  They will choose 2 out of the following in a vote next week:
                                                     

• gnome bobsleigh                                      
• gnome ski jump
• gnome bi-athlon
• micro ice hockey
• gnome ale curling (I have no idea what the gnomes mean by 'ale curling')   

Grundl is open to more suggestions...

Cabbage Water - underrated

Ruby has told me that people normally give up their resolutions after about two weeks.

What nonsense! I am still going strong with my daily workout and cabbage water. I have no idea what the gnomes were complaining about. This is a tremendous diet.

I suppose they do not have the quails' eggs, brioche, cheese selection, and pastries to go with it - but they seem perfectly happy - apart from the small riot they instigated at soup time.

Midnight Snacking

I am very pleased with the progress of my new diet. I have so far managed to abide countless bowls of Mrs Petrushka's infamous cabbage soup, as well as - dare I say it - turnip surprise. The surprise is that the hideous creation is not used as a biological weapon.

In fact, I am generally doing extremely well - until late at night - when I have an incredible urge to scoff half of the pantry. Last night I was nearly caught sampling the Triple Cream Chocolate Fudge Sundae. There is no harm in just a spoon or two, surely?

A Brass Balls Injury

I am not sure what idiot invented the brass medicine ball. I suspect that their use is confined to the gymnasium in the citadel.

Anyhow, I am not proud to say that I have done myself an injury with them, and I am too much of a gentleman to go into details. Even my steadfast butler, Stanislav, has blanched at the very thought of it.

New Year's Resolutions

We are a few days into 2012 and so far I am keeping to my resolutions. They include:

• A low fat healthy diet - I am afraid I overdid it somewhat over the festive period. Mrs Petrushka supervised the creation of some splendid dishes, including a wild boar stuffed with geese, partridges and other unfortunate fowl.  Her quadruple-triple chocolate pudding had enough calories to power a small town.

• A new fitness regime - I shall endeavour to do more exercise.  Princess Ruby has suggested I dust off the old gym equipment, some of which is quite ancient, such as the brass medicine ball and fitness penny farthing. 

• Maximising the gnomes' potential - After the success of the gnome archery team over Christmas I can see the little creatures achieving great things this year. I just need to find out what makes them tick.

• Vlad Dracula - I think we had a bit of a misunderstanding last year. We'll see what happens this year, but for now I will attempt to maintain good relations with him.

I would like to wish you all a joyful and prosperous 2012

I know I have a reputation as a chaos lord. Perhaps I will do my best to help reign in chaos this year as things appear to be chaotic enough already.

Happy New Year!